Spellbound

Often I stand dumbfounded, looking at a black overcoat with a scrunched collar extending over the shoulders or or a red silk tube dress with perfect grecian drapes, wondering if these had been divinely blessed.

... it may best be described as a state of trance where a piece of clothing captivates you.- What helps is, perfectly lighted sparkling mirrors, floaty..dreamy music, dilated pupils which make you look cuter and see better, the sheer necessity for a funky teal muffler because you don't have that colour even though it does'nt go with most of the stuff you own and what elevates you and makes you hit the climax is the scramble for the last piece in a particular size- here you reach the 'what the heck state'... 2 pairs of socks to fill up shoes which are a size bigger, a white satin belt with a bow to hold up that dress closer to your waist, breathing in spurts to fit into that stunning purple chiffon skirt...

My visits to the mall (I say mall because large retail spaces with variants in different colours, fits and textures is the epitome of confusion ) almost always leave me enamoured; my impulse then leaves no room for brain. My sense of sight completely takes over and plastic reigns supreme again.

Then on one such day in quest of a smart pair of socks in black, I chanced upon a red coat dress. In my dictionary this would be classified under a 'must-have'. After the first trial I realized how irresistibly hot it looked. I played it up till the seventh trial when my adjectives stopped working, La Vie En Rose  was now devoid of any tints, I could see clearly why the last piece in size S was still there- it looked shabby with jeans and was too long to look chic with tights.  I broke the spell that held me long. Enough to prevent me from spelling broke.

The Yes, the No and the Can't Say

If you observe people and patterns you will take note that some people are always OK with things- available for a quick drink, up for an unplanned road trip and have no strict preferences on cuisines. Some others are wet blankets, resistant to change or a new hangout, at their hang-uppy best all the time, always ready with an instinctive 'no'. There is a third compartment of people too, those who have a problem committing to just about anything-the kinds who need a minute to decide whether they want their burger with or without cheese, the kinds who'd give out a 'hmm' when you're looking for a definitive yes or no, a typical trait of theirs is heavy usage of words like 6ish, brownish, inappropriate, kind-of, we'll see.. and the likes.

While the buddy who's always game is your caffeine on a bad winter's morning, dig a little deeper and you'd be entertained by the fact that her most oft-used means to get out of relationships, a casual social gathering which intercepts her shopping plans, a birthday lunch which coincides with a day at the spa or a friend's bachelorette because she is too lazy to wax, so far has been to stop taking phonecalls, hand over her phone for other people to answer or even change her number, each time assuming that the person on the other end would get the hint :). In their defense, we have phenomenal writers like J.R.R Tolkien who believed that escapism had an element of emancipation in its attempt to figure a different reality. 

A killjoy may be driven by logic in the parallel world which exists in his mind but to you he may seem to be possessed by the spirit of a miffed 5 year old. He just might avoid a European jaunt because weather.com predicts mild rainfall, a stick jaw at night because he'd have to brush his teeth again or wash his hands off a fabulous deal because minor issues like utility and frequency of use begin to do the shimmy in his mind. Infact they are on such a trip of their own that they refuse even to consider that a Valentino dress or a louis vuitton bag would be an investment passed on from one generation to another. What saves them is the commonsensical, down-to-earth and seasoned projection of a pragmatic thinker. The left side of their brain is embedded with tenets and precepts while the right side is wired to choose the strangest combination out of these for them to creatively state reasons for not doing something and baffle people they know, yet again.


Type 3 delude themselves into believing that the world will wait on them. The kind who always want to have the option of curling back into bed, putting on their dancing shoes or throwing on a snug stole and walking out to watch a play. They hoodwink you into thinking that they are the ones who stand strong on their word, however in reality its nothing but a disclaimer absolving them of any responsibility. I wonder what will become of their modus operandi when find their cosmos shrinking with age and the constraints which come with it as an appendage. Loneliness they say does'nt leave you many options... 


Given the number of people who fall in the above three leagues whats off-colour here is balance. Balance is placid. But I'd rather have the waves crash into rocks or feel them pull the sand from under my feet.


P.S:People who are always game, keep their word and show up on time are the ones who don't really have a life ;)

On the face of it

What happens when a gawky 25 year old South Indian-nurse looking-curly haired woman suddenly realizes that looks don't really matter at her workplace and her head reeking of Coconut oil is the key to the treasure trunk - She goes on a vindictive power trip! She shuns away all chiffon skirt swaying, jimmy choo wearing variants with a stiff hairy upper lip.

Then again there is the blue eyed, golden haired and milky white stunning statuesque who came out of the chasm and  instantaneously learned how benevolent it was of her to agree to be born, and that their single-most insignificant gift to mankind is the enthralling beauty for which they themselves cannot take any credit. Too bad that the makings of a strong persona with habits that a dignified human being must possess take a backseat. For a good pedicure can always make up for appalling behaviour or bad breath.

Most fascinating are people who constantly work on different versions of themselves. They hit puberty at 28 when they land up with pink tresses and have a parallel personality on Facebook. You can't really blame them, they've always been on the line which spells mediocrity, always just short of a strike out. So when most people their age get over all that jazz, these aspirants start to paint the town..

All three above know not the art of cutting the Gordian knot. If you can't get what you want by being smart just play dumb or dewy eyed. Beauty in flesh will continue to rule the world.. but you wont want a fifty dollar haircut on a fifty cent head. Normal is good. Symmetrical is uncommon. Too quirky kills it. But before trying to pull of any of my priceless pointers remember beauty is skin deep but ugly cuts to the bone

Going Solo

Have you been privy to those few performances on a karaoke night which would've sounded great with one powerful voice but be equivalent to cacophony with two three people going ga-ga (literally) on it. Why would a musician take the pains to create a choir with the Altos-Sopranos-Bass combo (technically of course with a lot of sub-categories within each) if all she needed was 10 people singing 'father figure' in nursery rhyme fashion.


The sad part is that most people don't know when to kiss the mic and when to give it a pass. Worse is when they forget the life-jacket while braving stormy waters- A slight amount of reverb to soften the edges and add a bit of depth. So when do you stop looking around waiting for someone to join you- for the book reading sessions on a comfy Sunday afternoon or at the buffet table for a second helping of the scrumptious peanut butter pie and then at the gym to burn away that sinful treat?


There are times when even two is a crowd and you just need to "Run, Forest, Run!" Just make sure you have your sipper full and your gear intact.


Those who swear by sidekicks rather than superpowers, might want to examine how the kid in yellow, red and green became an archetype. They might even want to argue how Betty was Riverdale's darling while Archie wed Veronica..cough cough..don't know about that but well Betty was almost short of earning the title of the eternal doormat that day ;)

Shine on you crazy diamond

Just like, when its murky you have to find a bright spot, you have to believe that its your song playing, to be able to sing along. You've got a zillion takes to paint your palette because you have the black, the grey and the white to rescue.

Our life has a drag and drop tool with a fill colour button and a ctrl z which works in certain places but I've seen very few play the game with the same joy like that of a 5 year old. I see some people yearn for happiness like its a drop of rain which on the mercy of the rain Gods is supposed to fall from the sky and into their lap. And then I see some just walk into the starry night with a smile on their face leaving behind- a relationship whose inevitable failure was visible to them long back, a job that made them crib every night before going off to sleep and every morning while driving to work, a plot of barren land the acquisition of which nearly gave them a heart attack, a country which could never be home...

If you think you have to walk your way through a minefield and that every next step that you take or detract from may spell doomsday, you start to tread carefully, measuring the outcome of every move, ironically though if it actually is the eschatological final battle what has one to lose..

Also very few can confront the elephant in the room, the rest just put on a pair of dark glasses and continue with their miseries. So next time you decide to use  · · · — — — · · · send it out to your heart instead of your head.

Once more upon a time

When Douglas Adams said " Is'nt it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too" I am assuming he had forgotten the one thing we also seem not to remember these days- Think what we would have been, if instead of being fed with fables and folklore we had been crammed with todays' news headlines. 

The dissolution of the la-la land comes with a thud. It might be when we realize... in the words of Taylor Swift "that prince charming is not easy to find and that the bad guy is not wearing a black cape, he is not easy to spot, instead he is really funny, will make you laugh and has perfect hair." But then again classic fairy tales do not deny the existence of heartache and sorrow but they do deny universal defeat. 

Age and experience might claim to teach you how to never make the same mistakes twice but they definitely succeed in teaching you how to stop believing in miracles. We lose our appetite to stomach fantasy. The movie ratings are reflective of the same... I see people mock happy endings branding them as unreal even though they'd still read to their kids of the kiss that brought Snow White back to life after she got tricked into eating a poisoned apple...and then I see people who rave and rant about how brutally and bravely honour killings were depicted in LSD and that it was a tragic yet true portrayal of a big social menace, however they do not usually care if reiteration will ever equal resolution. We have become cynical to an extent that we put aside the sprinkling of fairy dust and the sunshine ray and prefer to discuss seemingly sexist statements by the 'Wolf' in The Little Red Riding Hood. 

If fairies and goblins and elves and unicorns make me happy, if the topsy-turvy land atop the Faraway Tree going wisha-wisha makes me want to befriend moon-face and have pop-biscuits and if I feel all will be ok when I think of the heroes, I trust we all need fairy tales to keep the magic alive. We need to float and dream. We all deserve at times- to be rescued like Rapunzel, a house made of cake and gingerbread, a pretty pair of glass slippers which fit perfectly, a fairy godmother, a fistful of magic beans and a flying carpet. 

P.S: We all deserve Neverland :)

Of men and malleability

I would like to believe i have an above average-active social life. Also with the limited number of places to go to in Delhi when your search filters are: South Delhi, Rock music, Conversationable, Relatively cheap, Happy hours, Karaoke nights, Decent people, casual summer dress etc. makes the six degrees of separation shrink to 3 for you. To illustrate with an example: Everyone knows a, a's ex, b's best friend who is now seeing a's ex.. and so on.

Anyway so the above was to prove that my sample size and frequency of exposure can validate and form a basis for my trending.

Lately my faith in God and in Delhi is getting restored. Men have landed from venus or have returned from Warwick or Leeds or Macquarie or wherever in the world they were sponsored for a nifty post grad diploma by their folks after they got off their gifted corollas in college. Well my point is good looks are back in town though the charmers are still missing, the picture in my head when i say charmers are suave smooth seniors in school maybe a generation or two ahead of us. I wish i was born a year or three earlier... the era would've been magical.

Coming back to what compelled me to sit down and write this post is that these seemingly decent men (the ones who are my age usually with a goatee or slick shirt pulled over a lean body) who make spurts of appearances are accompanied by women who are either qualify to be trophy wives without a distinctly identifiable personality or docile coy women who have never heard the yellow submarine or strawberry fields forever while Mr. X happens to worship the Beatles. The point of intersection between both women being that one can usually spot them nodding their heads in an agreeable manner (please take note that i do not think this is bad or being judgemental about it in any way..lol).

This has made me draw an analogy that men look for gold leaves instead of diamond studded tiaras. That is because gold can be hammered or pressed permanently out of shape without breaking or cracking while diamonds are known to hold their shape under temperatures that would melt silicon.

If it is men and their safe options which usually guarantee a 'Happily ever after' life i guess i should be extremely grateful and thank my stars for finding someone who does'nt mind the wild child in me ;)

Sigh.. Sigh

It is saddening... the state of women today. The difference between the past and the present being their acceptance of what gives them happiness-Emotions which were freely expressed, colourful hues, a tinge of silver, pretty faces, made up eyes, laces and ribbons and visible efforts added just for them :)

Now it seems there is dual pressure because 1) more and more women are constantly struggling to gain ground in a male-dominated society, I mean its only fair if they sleep with the VP for a promotion just like Mamta Didi has all rights to earn her own share of money- why should Lalu be a single player in the game AND so it is also right if one appears to play cool and go with the critics and ROW. and 2) Due to the fact that they can spot a lot more well groomed, attractive, fair-faced or rich women than earlier there is a greater degree of differentiation required because they sadly don't have the beauty card- hence the intelligence quotient becomes top gear; their mantra (talk about existentialism and jean paul sartre, condemn every other woman who looks like a piece of art, envy the privileged 'green' few and label them as women who just married right while they themselves look like a broom..LOL).

So i get it when most movies celebrating womanhood are about brave rape victims, successful entrepreneurs, idealistic models or plush politicians. But what about balancing femininity, grace and elegance alongwith. What about the forgotten truth that women call a spade a spade, they feel, they relate and empathize. Maybe the large bunch of man-ish freaks reading this post are already in the process of developing testicles ;)
What about complicated emotions not of a female war-hero but of a selfish, shallow, fashion-obsessed barbie-doll who can still be worthy of love by a completely grounded man (also seriously ask yourself which part don't you like the rich part, pretty part or the part where it hits you that men think you've got brains but still treat you as invisible as you lack the former to be drool-worthy). It might not be a manifestation of reality but you are kidding yourselves if you think thats a non-section.

Well some movies are just meant to entertain, please the eyes and soothe the mind, if you scoff at them you know beforehand you're not the TG so give ppl on your FB a break- Don't go and watch it. And for fat old corporate losers who try and rip the movie apart at work... take a break..you're just sour because such women have always been out of your league.

Cheers!

Uncoupling

I am compelled to discuss this considering I am at a stage where I may have to forgo karaoke parties (my love for them is evident now) for my married friend's birthday dinner because I feel it might be considered rude to ditch them just because they are married- which has strengthened their equation of being able to suck everyone into the 'couple' zone.It is their inherent ability to perceive two people as extensions of each other devoid of the fact that as individuals their choices and tastes could be like chalk and cheese. Their idea of space and doing your own thing is that men get shoved to a separate place to discuss things over a mug of beer while women sip their wine and discuss the men. 


It is i am sure a great feeling when you know you're the centre of the universe for someone but i was always under the impression that a center is something you always want to come back to after strolling through the nooks and crannies like in one of those green circular plastic maze puzzles. There is a sense of achievement when you're able to get the three silver balls to the center but the challenge ends when you let them stay there for too long.  I am guessing the awesome-twosomes take Newton's first law of motion very seriously. 


They also tend to assume that most people around them would adore the 'my bonnie lies over the ocean' talks. What does not hit them is that people like myself need a babel fish (wiki it you would love me for introducing you to this world) in their ear to be able to get it. It is galling that they go on about the surprise dinner they have arranged for their partner, then about what they should wear for it... and then expect one to be completely engrossed in their debate over whether purple orchids or white lilies make the cut.


One trait which permeates all couplekind is like Trillion they would leave the planet for the two-headed Beeblebrox. For you to get the context I shall elaborate. i.e they will abdicate the rest of their equations with one and all. It is a rarity to see them join in to celebrate your new job because for starters they would be so out of loop that they'll hear about it a month from when you bagged it.


I am halfway from pressing the panic button when it dawns on me that I'm not the only one who does' nt fit in, I'm hitched to a guy who tacitly agrees that it is extremely bothersome when you're expected to pick up the phone mid-way an Atlas Shrugged or your next blog post. 

Are we even Steven?

If there is someone who strongly goes against the Apollo Munich tagline 'Lets uncomplicate' it is a Cancerian. I need a pat on my back for stating that in black and white because had any such judgement come from a true blue Cancerian it would have taken about a month; they will first create a corner in their mind, place that judgement and then weave a situation around it so that they are truly convinced. So now you know that they will say it only if they are able to artificially justify it to themselves so that they derive the satisfaction of being neutral.

Next they will take about 15 days to blurt it out even to their closest people because words once spoken cannot be taken back and they'd want to have the luxury of doing that. Now they'd argue that its just about being judicious but don't you get fooled. This is how they justify their non-committal nature in their head ;) Yes I would tend to agree that their perception of being diplomatic actually stems from here.

I have had the privilege of having a Cancerian room-mate, dating a Cancerian, being great friends with one or two of that breed (tags: Gupta and http://purple-karma.blogspot.com) and now also spending my travel time to work with a Cancerian friend. With all due respect (only because I love my roomie and am buddies with my ex) all that I know about Cancerians and their mode of operation is a product of my efforts only and maybe my prolonged association with them- they are'nt a book, they're a password protected ipad.

'He will take his secret to the grave' I'm sure the person who invented this phrase must've been close friends with a Cancerian if not a Cancerian himself. They harbour, button-up, bottle it up, gulp it down I don't know what they do but they do it very well. They'd make you want to put them at gun-point and have them give it all out (though they'll manage to confuse you by putting you in a loop). This trait of theirs according to them should be defined as being 'mysterious', let me give them a reality check - this ability to be restrained peppered with how ambiguous they are is what gives them a tint of being 'detached' something which will keep their closest friends from banking on them when they really need you because Cancerians are not very helpful during SOS are they? 

But more often than not their taste in music is just what you're looking for, I have connected with every single one of them mostly on that. They also have a penchant for being clued onto random scraps of information which make them excellent conservationists. You cannot get bored with them. Also a peculiarity I've noticed about them is when they get entranced they flout all the above rules and just be themselves, be it their cribby, cranky selves or self-less give-it-all -i've-got selves (In fact this is so rare that their true self almost comes across as an oddity..lol). I know how one of my extremely sane Cancerian friend's obsession with Katrina Kaif is almost scary and unlike himself :)

If Libra embodies balance (which it does not!) Cancer signifies pseudo-balance. They are always looking for a middle-ground and their interest behind it is not tact or prudence, they're just looking for a safe place to bury their heads.

Back in the game!

I oscillate. Sometimes I wonder if thats a kind of disorder. Besides myself I know just this one other friend of mine who has this tendency. Let me try my best to explain this.


See the both of us we're neither conformists nor whackos. While we do not judge people on their no-labelled trysts, we're also least likely to renounce a fast paced career and use up the savings (did i mention we're most likely to not be left with any savings) for a course in bar-tending. So we pretty much are yaba-daba-doing between the halo and the horns. Being in the middle however has its side-effects, in fact as per my theory the ones in the middle tend to, at times be at the most extreme end of one extreme compared to the extremists.


Second both of us love the spotlight in a not-so-obvious way. It is almost like we continue to do our own thing but we like to glance sideways every once in a while and pat ourselves on the back (mentally) for being natural crowd pullers.


Sigh.. I'm guessing this needs simplifying.. its just that every ordinary thing that people of the above cadre indulge in usually makes headlines and gets them the attention they pretend not to thrive on..NOW from here if they're suddenly thrown into a comfortable scenario where it is assumed they've lived their life, done their deeds and packed their bags; in short they're passé like a former-it rockstar who is now an old hag, what does one expect?


They will graciously succumb initially for I am sure they will have strong reasons to have made the dive in the first place but occasionally there will be some swimming against the tide. This I equate with my moments of pseudo single-dom where I dress to kill and when I simply love making conversation with those around me whom I will never make an effort to call back.  (One of my Golden pointers again: while doing this hold your drink in that hand where you're not wearing your wedding band ;)


In all fairness .. there is no harm in knowing you're back in the game that you created cheat codes for!

Preetika Verma vs Chanel

Its a pleasure, seeing people who are always impeccably dressed with powdered noses, dangling earrings, shiny straight hair and a pair of hot ballet flats, not to forget people who follow Chanel's famous aphorism without fail every single day: 'A woman who does'nt wear perfume has no future'.
It is even more intriguing how another breed as conscious about femininity and fashion hangs around in a pair of black on white thin-striped shorts with a soft baby pink snug t-shirt and flip-flops and hair scrunched up in a half pony.

Both the types mentioned above have just one difference: For the first lot fashion is defined by a string of pearls as popularized by Coco-loco or feminine drapes by Madeleine Violette or even signature Satya Paul prints. They would look prim and stylish (Black dress-meets-gladiator sandals) in a mall, at a movie, at a party, for brunch, while shopping, at the gym, at work- EVERYWHERE. And i'm proud of such women who are so motivated to look good all the time, well.. for people who'd turn around and say it comes naturally..lets just say, we all know theres no such thing as a permanent blow-dry and not everyone is blessed with a flawless peaches and cream complexion though for those who know the magic of Mac Studio Fix its very achievable.. add on a trip to the parlour every 15 days for those well manicured hands and feet.
For the second species fashion is who they are, its ofcourse how they dress coupled with the way they talk, their mannerisms, their passion at work and in relationships and how they manage to stand out in a room swarming with people- a lot of whom belong to the first lot. They would prefer a cute casual blue flannel summer dress with an off-white raw-silk satchel because the thought of putting on a their expensive LBD is (i'd like to credit Preetika Verma for these brilliantly logical explanations)  either too exhausting and over-the-top or a sheer waste of a beautiful garment for an occasion not befitting it. In fact if you observe well you'd find that unconsciously their matra is to remain slightly under-dressed. Even if they have fashion acumen and taste which is unparalleled they might want the effort that they put in to be worth-its-while for people and events worth the trouble.

I'd also want to leave you with a tip which might be of use to some of you: If you feel you are a person low on character and personality you must invest some time everyday to match your new pair of heels with the red dress in your closet (the one with hideous horizontal red lines on the black bottom border) ;)

Riding high..riding fast

There has been an eternal battle between Power, Money and Fame-Who quashes the other two is as much a matter of individual whim and nature as ones state of inebriation after a glass of wine; for some the high may not be enough while for some others the craving for the next dose is magnified while they swirl the glass under their nose, take a whiff and roll their tongue letting the wine spread across it from front to back, side to side with a slurp of air and savour it.

When it comes to riding these three horses it is uncanny how almost everyone you know can be typified except ofcourse the tea-totalers or the L.I.T drinkers. 

Lets start with what according to me is far behind in the race-Money- the torch-bearers of 'money makes the world go round' syndrome are comfortable, mechanical, safe, they'd tweak themselves a little bit here and there to keep themselves happier and derive some joy of out doing things differently because they hardly indulge in that. A CEO who would just do anything to safeguard his precious spoils, from flower arrangements for the owners' daughter's wedding to entertaining her husband when he has a hairline fracture. Money paralyzes you if that is what you are singularly gunning for. The cardinals sins associated with this, greed, envy and sloth either makes one lose their mind or numbs them completely. It is because of people like them who are incompetent or inflexible that some bright others have to rollover and play dead.

I do have some respect left for the 'fame-seekers'. Full of fire, they want to create. They love the limelight and nothing pleases them more than appreciation and acknowledgement. The struggle seems sweet to them, its almost as if they are prepared for it. The guy who shrugs off a high flying corporate career for a brand consultancy, a copy-writer whos here to do his own thing, a freelance photographer, a director poised to make a mark... And then it happens, something that makes me think these dimwits should just survive on air and water, infact its probably this breed due to which the word pseudo got its place in the Oxford English dictionary. Anyway, when they're done with getting hit by pride, lust and gluttony they decide to dedicate their sympathies to the leftist-type as neither has any substance left. Truly then and literally its no surprise that this class is and always will be in the red.

Coming from a class A capitalist, who very frequently wants to live the high life, read this thread-bare. Money is a very very significant tool no denying that, but what next.. Wheres the wow factor...in 10 years if you earn a salary to the tune of one million.. what difference will it make.. you'd probably be able to buy your wife a bigger rock or your kid may have a PS3 when hes 5.. you will however 'be a slave to money then you'll die' (if u dont know what I'm humming now you've got to be kidding me!). The king of aces is nothing but Power. Its the inherent desire to run, control, possess and influence. You start with getting a grip on yourself, racking your brain and implementing the single most idea that enjoys your conviction. If it works, money and fame are just goodie bags that come with power. If it doesn't you can try a new drink or ask for a repeat- either ways you'll die regret-free. 

So if you think success is when your name flashes on afaqs.com when you switch jobs, or when you buy a jetta, its not. It is when you enjoy your vacation at the beach, your night-time read and your work as much. It is when you're no longer the pawn, you're the hand that moves it :)

  

Mr. Right Now

Extremely fascinated by the idea of finding the 'one', I took a friend's recommendation quite seriously and bought Richard Bach's 'Bridge across forever'. After all that friend of mine, he was really into it, he hadn't been single since he was 14 and his girlfriends were the kinds who'd feed him grapes while he would stretch himself on satin sheets with one cushion under his head and one under his legs. We thought he'd found his calling in the girl he hooked up with in the dramsoc in the second week of college, but three years into that relationship, his quest for the 'one' finally ended. He decided to marry his close 'platonic' friend who'd seen him through 3 of his relationships- he decided when he was drunk and she was drunk and about 1407 kms apart from each other.

I stopped reading mid-way...

I've seen many an arduous affair fall flat and a lot of placid and bland equations blossom into something everlasting. And then it hit me, this thing, about finding the right person is almost like finding a new job. Its's not about how hard your search, how many interviews you go for and how brilliant you are- Its more than that-
1) You need to know the right people in the right companies from whom you hear about an opening or bright consultants in the sectors you're aiming to get into 2) there has to be a fitment in terms of work, number of years of experience, salary expectations, location etc. 3) The number of people applying for the job, their experience, institutes and packages 4) Saying the right thing at the right time to impress the right people.

So net-net, you might cross paths with a handsome man, a charmer who shares the same looking glass that you  do, to see the things around him and still part ways because he is looking to settle down and you've only just started discovering yourself.  You might find yourself extremely attracted to a friend of yours in June while he might begin to see how cutely you eat or roll your eyes or how pretty you look even while you're asleep in November but by that time you've simply gotten over him.

It boils down to one thing which always HAS to be going for two people who eventually get together- the timing, they have to be in the same phase! By that logic there is no Mr. Right.. but there is indeed a Mr. Right Now...

So what if you meet the right person after you've sealed the deal? Here's the test which is likely to give you a formula you can work with- a) You have the funnest conversations with him b) You never get bored talking to him c) Theres one thing both of you are passionate about-music, sports, films..the blah d) You can rub your eyes when you're sleepy till your kajal spreads and till you start to look like Veera (if you don't know this get off my blog now) and he still is very nonchalant about it- In simpler words you can just be yourself and feel most comfortable e) Ofcourse if he is great in bed you can do away with either a, b, c or d.
But this is no sure-shot way, as I've also heard: Most often, you come across the right person when you're already married... and all you can do then is hope she gets fat real fast!

The curse of the roving eye

Its an art... appreciation. It is how mindful you are of the finer aspects.. ruffled unruly hair, big dark eyes, a defined jawline, broad shoulders, a sharp nose, chivalry, a great sense of dressing, an amazing wit, lot of grey matter, a muscular forearm, a comforting sense of security, a passion for music, subtle-shy, feisty-cheeky. You come across people with a little bit of this and little bit of that and if you know what i'm getting at you've got the curse of the roving eye.

I find myself constantly battling between mango and chocolate.. I really don't know what my favourite flavour of ice-cream is till date.. blueberry and mint stand a close chance too. My favourite colour- red, black, pink or purple (i'm not sure in which order of priority). I've frequently questioned myself as to- how bad is it, not knowing what you really really want? but then it is better than forcing yourself into believing that you have absolute clarity on it.

So what do you do when you walk into a Baskin Robbins..tasting! till you settle down and till you know exactly what you're in the mood for...then after a while you find yourself being in the mood for choco-mint a tad too many times and finally ta-da you know thats what you want.. so much so that you start visiting Baskin Robbins for choco-mint.

Face it, you've got to kiss some frogs before you find your prince! However its hard to rid yourself of the roving eye, it is an inherent characteristic of yours. So what do you do- you look it up top to bottom like a piece of art, appreciate it... silently at first..if that does'nt work..understand it using conversation and observation only...if need be let out a deep sigh but a word of advice- Do not touch! Because if you do, it wont take much time before you'll realize how you've given up a grey skirt with a perfect fit for a not-so-classy but hot dress which you can only wear in Goa :)

The friend hoggers

Typical characteristics: Mostly women, social butterflies, can pretend to be into everything and anything-name it-movies, books, sports, travel etc as long as the list covers the people they'd love attention from, boy-crazy, their best friends change every month, you feel you've known them for ages within 20 minutes of you meeting them, their criteria for turning up at parties is that they know the host's friend's wife's sister at least and they'd need to just be introduced to someone in order for them to become fb friends with him/her and exchange numbers over it.

They are a talented lot. They know exactly how to pick your closest friends and in a matter of few weeks initiate them into their life. And this is how it happens:

• Friend hogger (FH) meets your friend
• Adds him on FB
• FH is delighted when she finds out they have common social interests. Exchanges numbers.
• Now she texts him with random updates. Like " me and my friends are going for a trip to xxx, want to join in?"
• If your friend's lose he'll go along if he's sane he'll tell you about how weird the FH was
• If he's lose (may he burn in hell in that case) the FH with no sense of shame, dignity or esteem will be convenient for him and he will in that case spend more time with her.
• This may lead to one of the three things: a relationship, a fling or a NBF (new best friend with you out of the picture)
• At the end of all three, even though he will realize what an ass he was, your equation with him will never be the same
• The end of something very special for him and for you.

But- If you were smart you would've been able to spot those pretentious bitches and put them in their place. This is how:

Friend hoggers don't usually have a life of their own, it is ok to use their company for an occasional cup of coffee with an acquaintance but its not ok to invite them over to your place with your bum-chums around. They're dumb, so you can fluff them away and ignore them, they're most often emotionally fragile so a subtle threat from you could ward them off. But yet you may cross paths with some grade A bitches and to counter that you have to be at your charming best.. ofcourse it does'nt do much harm if throw in a line or two about her sideburns or stinky ordour ;)

The art of expression

Every girl dreams of a boy who is completely- immersed -neck deep in love with her. I want one like that too.. however I also want one who is slightly detached to keep me on my toes, to keep me wanting more.

Making a foray into understanding the above i figure post evaluation of a lot of cases that the 'you're my world' love becomes an irritant for people like me who love attention from all quarters and share independent and special equations with people who matter.

Having made this revelation known, the question was exactly how much is too much detachment. This results in a constant deprivation of latent unexpressed need states, ok in simpler words what frustrates you with this is you have your space but you still want to be treated like a princess- And that's not asking for a lot! To which one could retort " but you fell in love with me because i gave you space and now you want me to be demonstrative and suffocating". Correction: Demonstrative is not equal to suffocating when done moderately, in fact even if I may not reciprocate I will like it, in my head you get brownie points.

What we usually like is when you make an effort to place yourself right next to where we're sitting. When you offer to hold the bags. When you open the car door so that we can sit without our dress getting wrinkled. When you know when we ask you to leave us alone it actually means pester us till we tell you where you went wrong and plead guilty. When you don't give up and tell us how much you want to be with us even when we break up the 10th time and question our feelings and yours. When you roll up the window so that our hair does'nt get spoiled. When you admit that we are aesthetically more evolved and that our decision prevails in such matters. When you actually do a research before you take us out for dinner. When you flatter us and spoil us silly. When you text us for no specific reason.

If you don't do any of the above because you truly and genuinely cannot get hints and take us on face value, there's one thing which will make us pardon all your crimes: Its the way you look at us and the glint in your eyes which says that we're the most special person in the world and you cant get past a day without thinking about us. I guess Jane was bang on with her 'best part about the wedding' in 27 dresses.

Blah

Most girls have a rule which they always abide by. The one which says: Never tell a man you like him, in so many words, before he make a declaration ofcourse. I belong to the same clan and respect the ones who understand how much fun they'll miss out on and how miserable they will be when they shower their unconditional love on an unassuming individual. I mean I am all for women's lib and all that it brings with it but just the thought of breaking this rule makes me imagine a scene where the boy is inching himself closer to the door shying away and the girl is unleashing herself on him. Men like the hungry tigress but they would love to be devoured with some panache.

In fact women in so many years have mastered some typical strategies for this, so typical at times that theres almost a pattern to them.

1. The damsel in distress. She will make a guy want to take care of her, to protect her for she pretends not to know what evil exists. Shes gullible and naive. Cries at the drop of a hat. She lets him take advantage of her knowing fully that she will one day ask for something in return. Shes makes sure shes with him all the time and eats up all possible mental space. She suffocates him to the extent that he has no friends left and no options left whatsoever. They get together because now its only fair that they should.

2. Nakedness personified. She available and she makes sure you see it all the time- when she wears peep necks and bends to pick up her books, when she seems be falling all over you only one vodka down, when she keeps texting you about how she got her belly pierced and finally when she calls you to her room, upset and heartbroken and rests her head on your shoulders. If you still cant recognize her, heres a clue, your girl friends usually hate her and your boy friends convince you to give it a shot for a week.

3. The mental connection. Apparently shes really into your kind of music, shes really interested in your favourite book and wants to borrow it from you, she even loves chinese food just like you do. You love having a conversation with her because its easy, so smooth, its like it was meant to be. She knows exactly the kind of tea you like and when you need it. It seems she also agrees with the kind of future you see for yourself (ofcourse she wants to be in it so why not). Physically also she is not bad at all, in fact now you no longer see the dark circles and the double chin. It will last and last very long till she decides its time for you to get to know her well and that will just make you cringe.

4. You're plain lucky-she just knows you'll fall and you'll fall real hard! She on a raised platform and you've put her there. She'll sweep you off your feet with one innocent smile. You always want to be at your best around her, her wish is your command. Shes just so confident and non committal and thats such a turn on. You're so overwhelmed that it will take you a long time to get back to normal and she will make it worse because she derives a kick out of the disproportionate amount of attention she gets. Stay clear of this as it can leave you scarred forever if it were to fall apart, more so because shes bound to have a roving eye.

What such women fail to realize is that there is no love and no respect if its not 'on equal footing'. You'll either be kicked around or you'll mess up someone else's life. You shouldn't feel your're doing an obligation or be in so much awe that you lose yourself. Compatibility is afterall a nice healthy balance.

Steering past it

When i learnt how to drive, which is some two years back i noticed that in India how we drive is very similar to the way we work. We change lanes for which we overtake very often-from the left or right it doesn't matter as long as we get to the lane moving faster or from where we want to curve ahead. Everyone does it.

However the difference is some overtake without giving an indicator while some refuse to slow down even when they see the indicator blink. This is when accidents happen.

Incidentally I learnt how to drive around the same time I began my tryst with corporate life and no matter the number of scratches and dents in my car, I've never stopped driving or considered myself a bad driver. Also I no longer remain in a fowl mood for a very long time when there is an array of abuses from either side, I just let it pass and enjoy the music.

The same way I see a lot of crazy people at the wheel even at work, ready to overtake without the indicators on. The best way out is to let them collide head on into a pole. You'll feel sad sometimes when they blow off people in their way who did not see the indicators, learn from that. However some shrewd ones manage to elbow you at times but never let that make you lose track.

You cant break down.. you can only slow down when you've reached where you've wanted to go.

Capitalist inclinations

My primary reason for dropping out of a mass comm course was film appreciation. Why would someone spend 2 hours critically analyzing a godforsaken short film which made zilch.. or maybe like a few pennies. I realized art was at most times, for the sake of it and I wanted to ride on it, not drive it.

Competition is not known to artists as much as it is known to businessmen. During my B school days I did not study, I competed and the sheer ecstasy of being able to sprint ahead is worth all the blood and toil. Competition however should be synonymous with passion. The passion with which you strive to quench the thirst and ensure you're spot on, is itself something which will take you places.

There are two ways of working: one is detaching yourself from your work and focusing on how to get it done, Ex. One assignment given to a group of 5, divided into 4 topics each done by one person and put together with research reports by one-tada! job done. I call it the mechanical approach, but it works flawlessly for some. The other approach is immersing yourself, getting obsessed with your work, Thinking about the different possible solutions and the one which is most unique yet workable, I am an avid believer of this one. Ex. An assignment given to a group of 5, everyone has an opinion based on their research, a lot of debate, a heated discussion, one conclusion and everyone still might not agree with it completely.

The first will be crisp, to the point and match expectations. The second may go down exceptionally well or may even run the risk of being seen as awkward and complicated, yet it will always be remembered as strikingly different.

Keep feeding your hunger- don't worry if people laugh at you for being the first to open your books before the term end exams or if they think you faff your way through even if you worked tirelessly for it. In fact when they do this, forgive them- for they have helped you achieve what you wanted to... everytime when you've 3x 'ed your efforts to beat them dead and make them shit in their pants-Mercy is not what is known to us, more so in the years to come. I often feel that i get a sadistic pleasure when I am able to unnerve people by my overtly competitive nature, the sight of seeing them topple over due to the pressure is soothing.

Everytime now that someone says "you're here to learn and not compete" I smile inwardly because i know competition makes one learn faster. What one needs to perfect is how to view it objectively and not take it to your heart i.e to use it just as a means.

Other situations where you might want to use this: In the gym keep tracking the speed of the woman in the treadmill next to yours. While shopping especially during sales, try and reach on day one and scan through stuff at the speed of light, also be on guard and keep a tight grip on what you're holding onto p.s take your boyfriend along to hold onto extra stuff. While reading a thick book, start with someone and try and finish before him. At work always outdo your boss and have all the answers, never let him catch you off guard. At a concert, be on time/arrange for VIP tickets/get to know the organizers and make sure you have the best seats.

Situations where you should not use this: Food (its just bad manners and makes you look like a glutton). When in love (no room for selfishness here). With family & friends (because you want to see them smile- always).

Just cant get enough

To start with there are always categories- broad categories into which you can slot everything. Its is never apparent in the beginning but give it some time and you'll know what I'm talking about.

Well a story might begin with attraction but it needs much more to be able to sustain it and here I'm not talking gyan on mental compatibility etc but plain physical appeal . Shes pretty and hes a rockstar but when you move beyond to see the dirt accumulated in her ear and hear his girly moans, then where do you run?

When I say a persons attractive it could mean only 3 things and it is in your best interest to recognize them asap.

1. A person is a stunner. Shes got blue eyes and brown hair and her skin is peaches and cream. Hes got silky hair which falls over his face, a nice tan and strong arms with which you want him to hold you and never let you go. BUT theres always a catch to this- She usually does'nt know if Ayn Rand is a he or a she, He usually does not know which phrase is to be used where OR her 'please love me' expressions which she thinks are cute are just repulsive and his hair which you thought was smooth and silky is thinning and you can see it when he sweats like a pig after his 'I'm a jock' game.

2. The person is by popular vote above average. No deformities from a distance. But its only a while till you realize he looks better when he does'nt smile because when he does his nostrils take up 3/4ths of the space on his face. So day after day you cant help but notice how turned off you are by this irritating feature of his. You jostle with the idea that you might get used to it but damn you cant!

3. The person is pleasant looking, noone has noticed him so far, he doesn't make heads turn but sometimes you cant help but wonder that his eyes are so soft or his back is so toned. You wonder what it would be like if his hands rested upon your shoulder or if his eyes met yours intently. You want to be able to feel his emotions of care, concern and of love. And then you think you've snapped out of it, but each day you're with him you know your eyes light up with one look at him, you long to see him the days that you haven't. With each passing day his face grows on you... its like you just cant get enough.

And trust me you'd give anything to be able to feel this.

Cut to the chase-Are you sure?

An option is an option and will always remain an option.

And an option you'd agree is synonymous with back-up, so its always a compromise. No matter how much you try and make yourself feel that the purple dress highlights your toned shoulders and is really chic, you know deep down it could never match the scintillating red stunner of a dress you'd set your eyes on, saved up for and finally cursed yourself for not being able to fill up a size bigger than yours because as it happens the last piece in size S was bought off by some greedy bitch just an hour back. So now what... you settle for the next best alternative.. afterall its just a matter of threatening your hairdresser to wave the magic wand which will make thou the fairest of them all. At times when the almighty pities you and wants to ensure that you don't feel like a loser he sends a tall broad shouldered (read manly) yet okay looking person of the same sex wearing the exact same thing which makes you appreciate the fact that with a very slight percentage of the effort shes put in it'll be a cake walk for you to turn heads- Now if you try and decode that, its pure consolation.

Also an option is an option in the first place because you can get it easy. Why would i ever be in love with a pair of cotton pyjamas when I can shower my affection on my emerald green crushed silk dress. Although I'll still require my comfy pyjamas to sleep in and wear them on a lazy winter morning when all I want to do is have pizza in bed, but at no cost will I trade my green beauty for it.

However when an option is an option for the lack of other better options most women try and make-do with a first copy, they try hard to love it and treasure it and develop feelings which they previously had not known simply because it supports their whim and stands with them through thick and thin.

The modus operandi is known only to a few intelligent people who wear iron gloves before burning their fingers and snap out just when they begin to feel the heat.

And trust this coming from one of them: You might feel bad and at times sick that there is someone who cares for you so much that noone can equal it and you are just indifferent. That there is someone who looks at you and figures out when you're upset and then knows exactly what will cheer you up, but no matter how hard you try to feel love for them you just cant. At that point in life you may feel you've never known someone as insensitive as yourself. But don't be so hard on yourself, remember once an option always an option and don't let that keep you from finding the Red dress.

Assorted and arranged

The drama in the 'whose side are you on' argument is best witnessed in the arranged Vs love marriage debate. Being an ardent believer of the twinkle in the eye and the weak in the knees effect (a tad too many times :))I still cant help but draw a theory or two in favour of the arranged marriage.

Theory One. In simple words which would be well understood by every B school graduate, not trying to have an arranged marriage is like getting a PPO and not sitting for placements. And trust me you want to be part of the action and not just be a mere observer. You want to get out there in the market and see how many companies are vying to take you in and how many other candidates you can just strike off with just the batting of an eyelid.

Theory two. An arranged marriage is like an assorted PC. You get your choice of keyboard, mouse and other accessories. A love marriage on the other hand will have you stuck to a fixed PC of one company, you might not like the colour of your keyboard but yes you can be sure about the mouse ball. In an arranged marriage With a 'I want a person with a nice nature' you can have a affix of 'who lives in South Delhi', with a 'I want in-laws who understand me' there could be a 'Maid available 24x7 who does all the cooking and household chores etc etc.

Theory three. You can brand yourself the way you want- a fresh start- The loser all her life can be the trophy wife, The lean mean sex machine can be the oh so concerned wife and dutiful daughter-in-law, the nice PYT can feel good because she will have the chance to shed her bimbette image. In a love marriage however, your boyfriend will know you inside-out and your alien-like behaviour will be met with strange glares from him because he loves you the way you are.

Theory four. The mystery remains. Its like a game you unfold your cards slowly. Its not like a cosy comfy boring 3yr old relationship where you can complete each others sentences and get that flavour of ice-cream while coming back from work which will get a huge hug from your girl when you reach home. Now you wont get that sweet in-law talk before a love marriage because they will be busy understanding you and getting to know your likes and dislikes instead of gawking at your complexion.

Well while the first two theories had me all geared up to discover where I faltered, the last two were silent slaps for me to shut up and sit down.